Fuzzy thoughts

So, I managed to get a few pages today. The more I consider shortening the story, the longer it gets! However, it is a journey worth enduring if I meet a light in the end.
-sigh-
At this point I wonder if my writing is worth while? Should I continue on? I should write more I know, but due to complications I can not name here, I am thin... real thin.
Miss tall dark and lovely out there, wherever you are, hurry up and come into my life so I have some inspiration!
lol, joking... maybe...
Meanwhile, do you like the picture? It makes me think of my skewed way of thinking about things, of looking at the world. So many things seem less than trivial, when perhaps they all are?
Oh, I watched Doctor Who today, what an interesting show. It comes on BBCA out here, that is, BBC America, since I am American.

Expression?

I sat down the other day and wrote one whole paragraph. I am glad.. However, I can not continue to write solely on my emotion. If I do that I will never finish.. So I have thought about organizing my day (as best as possible) and seeing what happens. I really don't know if it will work. The problem with my days are that they are primarily ruled by other people and seldom in my hands. It sounds bad...

Just visualize what I want and make it happen...
Just visualize what I want and make it happen...
Just visualize what I want and make it happen...
It WILL happen!
It will happen!
It will happen!

I think...

Still prowling about.

Hello great big.. wide.. substantial audience :D

Its been a little bit, my sincere apologies. It seems of late I have been writing pretty much nothing. If only I could get someone to collaborate with me!
Since it aint gonna happen, I figure I'll just deal. So I've been writing on another installment to my Runaway priestess set. Unfortunately the other day I looked it over and got disgusted. I have not touched it since.
So what HAVE I been doing?
Sitting in the air conditioning, watching the food channel. What can I say? I like food. On that note I made a lovely spinach egg casserole. Once again someone had polished off the last of the milk so I had to come up with something. While it bakes in the oven, I'm sipping on a fruit smoothie.
Anyway, I hope all you folks out there reading this are having a productive day. Chances are I wont be :D

I wish I may...

I can only blame myself for this surprisingly long standoff.
In all this time I wrote.... ONE sentence. Perhaps I am doing too much at once? Perhaps I am worrying too much about the finished product. Type type type... that is what I need to do!
In the meantime my neck is killing me and I could really go for a nice fizzy drink. I'll even drink diet!
So I suppose I shall try and gain my equilibrium. Till then, I shall be seeing you!

Fae ..

I managed to get a new bit written up about fae. I find it rather hard to stay focused on one simple thing. It would be easier if I did!
So I'm leaving in a few hours to go visit a friend, and I wont be around for a few weeks. I hope that I'll still be able to write via pen and paper, just jot down thoughts and ideas. Then maybe I can get some more writing done when I get back. We'll certainly see!

Ah, its like drawing blood!

Truly! I don't know why it is being so hard to forward in the plot. Honestly, weeks, and I've only got ONE page. One..
I really need some motivation, so I'm going to write with my ink and quill.. Sometimes the romanticism of having to dip the pen in ink inspires me to write flowery words. Perhaps I'll insert poetry later.

The pen is not heavy in the hand!

The pen is not
the pen is not
the pen is NOT heavy in the hand!
Or so.. I keep telling myself this as I try to conceive what I wish to put on the page. It is certainly not flowing tonight/this morning. In fact, it is anything but flowing.
-sigh-
Trick tricky, the genre.. I never thought I'd ever write anything contemporary. I prefer fantasy and Mythos.. however, the story found me in a dream and expounded.. I just need to recapture that dream..
Recapture the feeling
Ahh...
Here is hoping!

Erotisicsm

I am one of those girls with little to no experience in the ways of love. My first genuine experience occurred when I was eighteen, with a person that I eventually married. Well, that certainly didn't pan out. Why put this out on the net? Lol my theory is, why not? Hell, this world is so full of mythos and imbalance, why not pop in a little truth every now and then?
So anyway, before I turned 18, you would be amazed at how little I knew my own body! I was told that good girls didn't do things like that, good girls didn't have sex, and certainly didn't want it. However, it is my experience that everyone at some point, has questions, and are at least curious.
Writing erotic is a talent I find, not easily forth coming. I began a few years back, rpg style, and started to incorporate them into various short stories (best left buried, deeply) Its amazing that when I finally started to truly write erotic, it was pure lesbian.
I caution people to listen to the songs of their hearts, do not bury your feelings under thick veils of fear and concern. Perhaps had I had the support I needed as a teenager, I may have discovered my true desires, and saved myself alot of unnecessary grief.
I have not found a textbook on writing erotic. I suppose at first I emulated what I read, then I ventured into exploring my own innermost thoughts and turning them onto the screen. This isn't an easy feat, I had to dig deep, since I had no experience to draw on. I still have a long way to go, but I suppose my best advice I can give is, take pointers wherever you can get them, don't be afraid to tap into your own fantasy, and if you are anything like me and while writing these scenes you've been known to look over your shoulder to see if anyone is looking.. .LET GO. Just let go, and let it flow. If you are tense and concerned, the tone of the writing will seem tense and concerned.
I've read some beautiful scenes, the ones I found most beautiful weren't so flowery, as they were honest and thoughtful, and merely expressed that person's thrill of the moment. Capture the moment, enjoy the ride. We all should.
Some Indians believe that sex is a divine gift, given to us mortals from the heavens. I think I'd prefer to think of it this way, other than just as a way to procreate. Not all of us are breeders. I am certainly not!

Love,
Orhea, the dreamer.

Go go go!

Go go gadget legs!
I wish I could say that, sadly, this isn't the case. -smirk- Nope, I have normal legs that tend to trip over themselves for odd reasons.. Yes, I'm accident prone.
Enough of that, I thought I'd do a little update. Sooooo.. I managed to write a few sentences. Actually, a week or two ago I wrote a chunk of a chapter before finals came and swept my time away. I plan on getting more written tonight.
As far as personally, I decided to kick up my exercise regime over the summer and speed walk for about an hour a day, on top of my yoga. One thing I want to make clear, just because I am multiracial, this does NOT guarantee me instant defense against the sun! I don't know why I keep forgetting that. Perhaps its because my siblings are darker and usually don't burn. -sigh- I had to borrow from my german/scotts ancestry and get burned. Honestly, the day was breezy, sunny, and not at all that hot.. Anyhoo.. I got some lovely spray on sunblock, waterproof in case I sweat. This burning stuff will not happen again! Don't you just hate it? That off, tingling sensation that happens after the burn? It just gets worse and worse untill you fall asleep and wake up to dry skin. I just know I'm going to end up with more freckles...
I got cat called twice during my walk. If you don't know what that is, I'll explain.. You know what its like when you're walking down a street and someone holler's something out of their car or whistles at you? Well, I was whistled at..
I suppose I should be flattered, but really. -sigh-

Alright, think thats all to report, expect to see more up this summer. I am also going to my first pride! Huzzah!

Finals

Writing has been.. limited at best. I've put in a bit here and there. Ah, it kills me that I haven't gotten a solid chapter!
However, after this week I plan on really cranking down.. Yeah, this is finals week, test after test to make sure we actually learned from the classes we paid for. I remind myself that I need to do my absolute best. This is after all, my life, the chance at freedom and happiness.
It has been raining quite a bit. Ah, glorious spring, this is my season!
I don't have much else for today, just thought I'd put in a bit of an update.
Happy May day, well, belated, hee!

A breath of fresh air...

So yesterday was my birthday.
Its not a good idea to accommodate people all the time. You end up never knowing what you really want. Yesterday? I had no clue.
That is, not until the end.
There was a storm toward the evening, and I stepped outside into the dark, turned my face up to the heavens, and sang out everything in my life that I wanted.
Do I expect it to happen? Maybe not, but it can't hurt to put it out there to the powers that be.
Sometimes it is good to pour your heart out to the wind. I imagine her as a mother, with a sweet smile as she nods, listening to your deepest secrets, weeping when you are sad, and holding you. To be held.. -sigh-
Anyhow, what with crunch weeks taking up my time, I've found little time to write. I hope though that I will be able to pick up once this last week is over. Next week will just be tests. I find them allot less challenging than the papers and speeches.
So anyway, back to what I want. Great mother, is it really so much to ask to find my soul mate? Would it be terribly much to have a small house of my own, with a yard big enough that I can plant to my heart's content? Then, could I, just a little bit, write some amazing stories?
-more sighs-
I wont go to specifics, but it was an enlightening experience, understanding myself. What is it you truly want? Take aside what people tell you that you need and chuck it, just think about what you truly desire. I think you might be surprised, then maybe not. :)

"Somewhere, out there, beneath the pale moon light. Someone's thinking of me, and loving me tonight." -An American Tale..

Priorities and emotional ties.

So.. gearing up your priorities to sit down and write isn't the easiest thing in the world. I suppose this is why they tell you to just keep plunking the keys, write something anything, with any time you have. Between college work, family, and people I care about, time becomes a treasured thing I greedily snag up from myself between bouts of gloomy depression for lack of inspiration.
However, I am going to give myself a little pat on the back thus far from not completely losing the rest of my marbles. In exchange I have made a promise to myself to 'try harder'.
I guess you hit a certain age, and you realize that life didn't pan out the way you thought it would when you were a teenager, so you find yourself grasping for lifelines, hoping to understand the secret code behind your successes and lack there of.
Truth is, we're just dust specks on this planet with the distinct knowledge that the end is nigh. It is both depressing and wonderfully exciting. Get a career, find true love, make babies, or not, grow old with the love of your life, make many achievements, and die. A perfectly good, perfectly epic ideal life that most people wont live up to.
In the end all you have is now. You can dream for the future, but don't lose sight of that fact. Trials and tribulations streak their way through your life like the red in candy canes. You'll have good days, you'll have bad days. You'll meet people that will take you somewhere, and then you'll meet those that will hold you back and or break your heart. It is an experience, custom made for you.
Enjoy.

(The dreamer)

Writing Fantasy

Heres the thing about writing fantasy. There is so much possible that one can get carried away trying to get in all that beautiful, glorious detail.
Huzzah!
I get so flabbergasted some times. SO many emotions I want to convey, while at the same time contributing to the back story to make the reader's experience more real, without becomming monotone.
I keep plunking the keys, pray I can make some sense!
Now, to research what it takes to survive in the desert..

Allyoop!

Personal appearances.

I thought since I have a bit of time at the moment (not really), I'd take the moment to write about something personal. Not too personal, since this IS the web, but personal enough.
I am contemplating breast reduction surgery. It isn't solely because I feel bad about my appearance, I am certainly no small fry mind you. The reason I wish to do this is because I am quite young, to most standards, I am 26, however I get shoulder and back pain, and I am increasingly imbalanced when I work out, because my just shy of five foot three inch body is weighed down by size 40DD breasts.
Rumor has it that I and miss Dolly Parton have the same size. Can you imagine? She's shorter than me and I have no idea how she manages! She's also a heck a skinnier. -_- -koff- Meanwhile, I am considering something called a 'lazer bra' surgery.While the surgery is going on they can also give me a quick reduction. I am thinking of just shrinking back to a d cup or a full c.
Those with questions can go here:
http://www.laserbra.com/laser-bra/faq.cfm

This surgery seems a bit better than the usual reduction surgeries, for one, the nipple is not grafted, so the nipple remains attached to those lovely nerve endings, and I can keep nipple sensitivity. (A must for me.) The lazer bra also keeps the breasts firm and lifted longer, can we say, hot fifty year old? -smirk-
I have just recently begun school, and am on the verge of getting my life back, so of course this surgery if I want it done right is going to cost a good penny that I don't have, so I thought to save up for it. Perhaps in a few years? It would be a great 30th birthday present. That would be four years from now. (Hopefully, if the recession doesn't devastate the middle class completely.)
Anyhow, my serious contemplation has led me to take stock in my life goals and to contemplate my self image. What is beautiful? I write romances involving what I consider to be beautiful people, and I hope future readers can agree with that. However, truly, if you are out looking for your soul mate you should really, really consider your priorities. Does he/she HAVE to have perfect flat abs? Do you? Would you wish to be loved for your smokin body or for the beauty that is your own individual soul? Do you go to the gym often? If you do go, then why are you doing it? Remember, true love, that truly lasts long has everything to do with compatibility, and the couple's ability to communicate. Sex, looks, these are just attractions we have, they are animalistic, and vary so much that it would be a travesty to base our lives on them. Who is going to hold you when you are old, wrinkly, and close to the end? Likely not some hot twenty something. Please world, for your own good, LOOK PAST THE 3D imaging!
That being said I have just one more thing to add.
The above is a picture of myself, and I have never considered myself gorgeous. I've been told by others I am 'pretty', I've even been told I'd make a good model. However, I consider myself to be self conscious and leery of my looks. It isn't a good thing,so I am working on it. For you, the reader I'd like to say,don't let people decide whether you are pretty, attractive, or intelligent. Decide for yourself who you are, and do your best to be just that. In the end, unless you are blind or go blind, you will have to look at yourself for the rest of your life, you might as well accept and preferably, love what you see.
I wish you luck.
(Orhea, the dreamer)

Ah, vital blow to the brain!

I am speaking of course, about paper writing. It kills my inspiration! However, I am keeping writing, even if it is only a snippet at a time.
I must surely be dreaming...
LOL as per usual.
Anyhow, want a snippet from Saturday's communications class speech? I wrote about Louisa May Alcott, the writer of Little Women.

“I want to do something splendid, something heroic or wonderful that won’t be forgotten after I’m dead.” This quote comes from Jo March, a fictional character in the book “Little Women” Written by Louisa May Alcott. Growing up Jo March was a heroine of mine. She was outspoken, gutsy, and pursued her dreams with a passion. Many people were and continue to be moved, by the book, “Little Women”.

That was my introduction. Now here is my confession. I HATE being forced to write to a template! It's like being told to paint a picture, but only according to a set of rules. What is the fun in that? Public speaking was terrible, and now I have to write my final speech for the semester, also my final English paper, as well as get ready for the math. (My worst subject) All in this, finding time to make jewelry, and to write, is really hard.
This truly is a labor of love.

Off too class, have a blessed eve!

Trying to keep up!

So I did a good job. I wrote a bit on 'Runaway Priestess" I've also written some more 'The Frog Becomes a Prince?'. Still, I need to practice a speech and work on math, as well as fix up my English paper. -_-
Oh, and the other day I made some rings. I got a commission for stitch markers. Stitch markers are used to mark stitches when knitting.
Well, I don't sound half as intelligent as I ought to, however you should give me a break because I'm dead tired...

Drained, maimed, but still alive..

So tooth surgery was a success. The oral surgeon said my wound looked good. I still get occasional shooting pains up there. He also said I should still keep to the precautions. -eye roll-
Things I did today:
Wrote some of my English paper (Need to finish that REALLY soon!)
Planted Asiatic lilies (the cats thought it was fun to climb my back in the process)
Took out the garbage.
Pruned trees.

Things I NEED to do:

Finish English paper.
Work on Speech.
Write a little of my stories. (Or did I forget to mention I'm still trying to write that novel?)
Somewhere in there, spend some time on my yoga practice and/or the cardio workout.
Clean up the kitchen (now that it's a train wreck)
Figure out dinner.

Maybe somewhere in there I can find time to go to sleep tonight. Tic tock..

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